Dear Diary...

i know that i'm supposed to do a chim philosophy. i was going to write about multiple universes (ref michael crichton's timeline) but some other things came up that kept it from my mind. i'll get to it sooner or later.

firstly, THE A LEVELS ARE OVER!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!! finally i can get a life. it wasn't that bad. but then, it wasn't that great either. but at least it's over. i just realised that i haven't been this free since after the o levels. seriously. the past 2 years, all my holidays have been spent either in studies or choir. now that i'm so free, i have absolutely no idea what to do with myself. i'll be rotting for the next 6 months. by the time i start uni i'll be decomposed. better go n find myself something to do. that day mdm yew mentioned something about an internship. after trying and failing to email her twice (i even asked howard for her email in case my info was wrong) i decided that fate doesn't want me to take this internship. which is kinda a pity actually. it would have saved me the trouble of having to search the classified ads.

mummy and daddy have just come back from the BEATELS concert that me and andrew treated them to. so proud. they said they really enjoyed themselves. wonderful. it was meant to be an early christmas present but it somehow turned into belated anniversary present. but, glad they enjoyed themselves. btw, it's BEATELS not BEATLES. the BEATELS are a tribute band to the BEATLES. get it? if not then check the web. they say they saw dr s there. surprise surprise! and they sat right behind her as well. even more surprising. interesting that dr s was there. :D hey, she has a life too.

thought i'd talk a bit about the amanda issue that they were discussing just now. i have no idea what is going on except what i saw on littlecrosses blog and what they were saying just now. personally i don't know amanda that well. just know her name and face. i always thought that she's so brave to wear the type of clothes she does despite having the form she has. wish i was brave enough to do that.

well, just now, i was reminded of a couple of my friends i used to (and still) know. friend X, Y, Z (i won't use their real names. it may be sensitive to them) amanda's situation kinda reminded me of them. myself also to some extent. i mean, i know what it's like to be outcast and isolated, especially if it's self-isolation. (the next bit is talking about myself but i don't know how to use i in such situations) it feels really horrible, especially if you self isolate but no one bothers to try to make you feel welcome but leave you by yourself. and, you try to put on a brave front but inside you really feel so bad. horrible feeling. and even though you know that it's hurting you, it's just so difficult to integrate back into the group cos they don't care about you anymore. (i wanted to talk about friend X, Y, Z but i discovered that the more i discussed it, the more lost i became, so better not) but the point is that sometimes, being isolated is a conscious choice. and after a while, people will just lose interest in trying to help you fit in. that's where people will start to see you as different, weird, outcast. even talk bad about you behind your back. i guess, there's really no one solution. either the group or one in the group decides to try to help until dropping and really losing hope (that needs a really patient person. i know) or they can just leave the outcast alone until she's ready to come back and let her know that she's always welcome. it's difficult enough to try to come back to the group. it's worse that you don't know how others really think about you. (if their welcome is real or just put on to make you feel better) it's horrible if you come back and people don't welcome you and treat you differently.

i don't know where this is leading to. just wanted to say out my thoughts now that they're a bit more composed.